No Boxes

Ya know that pit experience I shared about last time and all those treasures I found there - I don't want you to get the wrong impression that I am some kind of superhero, awesome turn into the wind, take the high road, overcomer anamoly that you think you wish you could be like. I am not that girl! I wasn't interested in those treasures for a good long while, I couldn't give a flip about them at first. I, maybe like you, found myself at the bottom of the pit and I was pissed off about it, I was a big baby about it, I whined and complained and had a major full out temper tantrum about it. If you have been reading my blog and journeying with me, you know this but for those of who just tuned in - please, please, please know I was an epic failure in my own pit. Isn't that how we categorize it, after all, success or failure?! We are such creatures of extremes and labels...everything fits into a nice, neat box - if only life would stay in that damn box! But it doesn't, it's messy and unruly and bigger than the box. God didn't design life that way, He didn't design you that way -- newsflash -- you don't fit in a box!  And neither do any of your experiences! Honestly, I don't believe that anything that happened in that pit God views with disdain or disappointment. He gave me a safe place to shake my fists at the world, to cry out in my pain and dissatisfaction, to blame others, to blame Him, to wrestle with my identity and expectations, to be lost and hopeless, to despair, to feel the numb nothingness, to climb the walls only to fall flat back on my ass over and over until I was done clawing at this life and all I expected it should be, that it should offer.

It was a process, just like everything else we experience.

When we "process" through the good stuff this life has to offer we don't judge ourselves -- planning a wedding, having a baby, starting a new job -- all of these things are experiences that require processing and moving forward. The "negative" things in this life are no different -- grieving the loss of a loved one, losing a job, working our way out of a pit --  processing and moving forward is required as well.

On the other side of all of life's experiences we learn to live in a "new normal"

- positive or negative -

it's a process as we embrace the change it offers.

So yes, I "failed" over and over again in the pit, I was not excited to be there at first, I did not want to look for any stupid treasures, I was not interested in lessons and change and anything else that place had to offer...but He kept me there long enough for my heart to to soften and become curious.

He knows what He is doing.

At the end of myself I found His good gifts buried there in that pit.

It was all a process-- a big messy mess--

kicking and screaming,

refusing to talk to Him,

numbing,

breaking,

emptying myself out,

laying it all before Him,

being openly, painfully honest,

looking out, looking up, and then looking in,

I stripped, in His presence, into naked intimacy, bearing my soul. 

And He carefully picked it up and held it close to His heart. And I felt Him sing over me, over every part of the process, the ugly, seemingly epic failing parts and the beautiful, surrendering into new normal parts.

Psalm 40:1-3 "I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.

 I am His delight, all my parts, no boxes, no judgment, He sees me and says, "It is very good!"

Genesis 1:31 "And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day."

So my friend, please stop judging yourself and where you find yourself today. You are in process and all parts of it are good, not neccesarily fun, but they are good! Each part is essential, a requirement, for the changes being made in you. He is working all things for your good. Trust the process and keep taking baby steps forward to your new normal!

And when you are ready, there is no rush,

look down and find your own buried treasures in your pit!