My son suffers from ADD, anger and emotional issues. When I began looking at the 30 months surrounding my 3rd son I didn’t really see any “issues”. He was planned. We chose to have him. He was such a blessing. But, as I began going through the 5 steps and listening to the other women, I realized that some of my actions were just symptoms of deeper unresolved issues that I needed to deal with. I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities that were growing with the addition to our family. I felt as if I was doing the majority of the work with little assistance or appreciation. I took on more and more and spread myself way too thin. I was making sure everything ran perfectly on the outside, but never focused on the feelings I was having or expressed them with my husband. I preferred to not nag or fight with him over this and chose to just juggle everything the best that I could. I knew I could and should be able to handle all of it myself anyway. I felt resentment, anger and felt very alone with a household of people. I focused on everything but the problem of sharing the responsibilities and my feelings with my husband. Four months after my 3rd son was born, my husband had a heart attack at 38. I took on more and more with a smile on my face but fear and anger in my heart. After dealing with the root of the problem, and sharing my hurts with him, my silence and inability to ask for help, I began to see changes all around.
I noticed immediate changes in my son. He was more focused. He began asking to help both at home and at our business. My other sons noticed the difference as well. He was more stable emotionally, didn’t get upset when they wrestled with him, put him in headlocks or restricted his movement. He also let go of a lot of the anger he was holding onto. He actually used the words, “I shouldn’t be angry about that” when he lost his brand new glasses which normally would have caused an emotional breakdown. He began accepting the disappointments such as a friend saying he couldn’t come over or plans having to be cancelled without the tears. I did notice that these changes spiked and then started to dip again and he was falling back into old behaviors. I continued to look within at what else I was holding on to and what I was still doing and found that I was still not focusing on some issues I had and the fact that I choose to say nothing instead of sharing how I really feel. Since revisiting some of those hurts, I have seen the changes begin to surface again. This is truly a “work in progress”. Each day on the way to work I continue to release my children from different things that happened during those 30 months as God reveals them to me. I pray that we all heal from what we had deep within our hearts.